I was attached to an events company during my internship in polytechnic year 3. It was a very small company where there were only 7 personnel in the company including the boss and us, the 2 interns. When i first stepped into the office, I was feeling a little disappointed. The office was a terrace house where the boss used the upper story as his residence and the lower floor, a simple make shift office. In my heart, i was thinking that this may be a tough 6 months to survive through my internship.
As interns, we were made to do and learn everything that we could to assist in the events projects that the company was handling. It was a 6 months internship and due to the fact that there were only limited manpower in the company, the boss had high expectation of everyone in putting their best performance at work. As newly minted employees in the company, the learning curve was very steep under the strict supervision by my superior.
This internship turned out to be better that i initially expected. My 6 months attachment with the company enabled me to learn many skills and knowledge that were unable to be taught in the classroom. I had many take aways from this internship where i grew to have better time management, being more organised and ability to work under stressful conditions. My events company had also provided me with the opportunities to see the world where i had travelled to Abu Dhabi, Guangzhou, Kuala Lumpur and many other places to work in despite the size of the company.
Up till now, i am very grateful to my boss and company to groom me to be a better person and the opportunity to work along with them where we shared laughters, arguments and joy together.
As interns, we were made to do and learn everything that we could to assist in the events projects that the company was handling. It was a 6 months internship and due to the fact that there were only limited manpower in the company, the boss had high expectation of everyone in putting their best performance at work. As newly minted employees in the company, the learning curve was very steep under the strict supervision by my superior.
This internship turned out to be better that i initially expected. My 6 months attachment with the company enabled me to learn many skills and knowledge that were unable to be taught in the classroom. I had many take aways from this internship where i grew to have better time management, being more organised and ability to work under stressful conditions. My events company had also provided me with the opportunities to see the world where i had travelled to Abu Dhabi, Guangzhou, Kuala Lumpur and many other places to work in despite the size of the company.
Up till now, i am very grateful to my boss and company to groom me to be a better person and the opportunity to work along with them where we shared laughters, arguments and joy together.
1. Spell out single-digit whole numbers. Use numerals for numbers greater than nine.
ReplyDelete2. It was a six-month internship.The 'six-month'here is an adjective.
The use of body paragraphs is good. Each paragraph has a main point and the overall reflection is coherent throughout.
ReplyDeleteHowever, more of how this experience transformed him into a better person could be mentioned in the concluding paragraph, rather than to end with a sweeping statement.
The various paragraphs each have a main point in it. It was clearly written and the message was clear.
ReplyDeleteConcluding paragraph reiterate what Herman had learnt from the experience.
Ps. Thanks for the link bro! :)
Herman,
ReplyDeletePlease see comments below:
Content and organisation: You organised your ideas well. You also clearly described the situation and then reflected on your expectations, and your change of attitude toward the company. It would have been interesting if you had given an example to illustrate why you changed your attitude and what impact it had on you.
Language:
1. Think about why it would be more appropriate to use simple past rather than past continuous tense here.
When i first stepped into the office, I 'was feeling' a little disappointed.
Compare to the sentence below where the use of past continuous tense was used correctly.
In my heart, i was thinking that this may be a tough 6 months to survive through...
2. The sentence 'It was a 6 months internship' should be '...6-month internship'. Do you know why?
3. Can you spot the careless mistake here?
This internship turned out to be better that i initially expected.
4. Note the following errors in this sentence ' I had many take aways from this internship where i grew to have better time management, being more organised and ability to work under stressful conditions.':
i. incorrect use of relative clause marker 'where'. What do you think it should be?
ii. I had many take aways...what do you mean?
Up till now, i am very grateful to my boss and company to groom me to be a better person and the opportunity to work along with them where we shared laughters, arguments and joy together.
5. Incorrect parallelism in 'There i grew to have better time management, 'being' more organised and ability to work...' Why should you not use 'being' here?
1. Past continuous "was feeling" will require me to show another feeling after that 'disappointment', as compared to "felt" where it is just one feeling at that moment.
ReplyDelete2. "6-month" will be an adjective describing the internship which is a noun, as compared to "6 months internship" where there is 2 noun side by side.
3. Correct word should be "than". :)
4. (i) Correct relative clause marker should be "which".
(ii) Rephrased sentence should be "I learned many postive skills and knowledge..."
5. Correct word should be "be" due to the previous verb in the sentence "grew".